Have you recently met someone you have an growing infatuation for? Or you’re recently discovering that you might be headed down the path of great romance?

Here’s my list of reasons to avoid love at all costs. Make sure you take my points to heart before it’s too late and you fall into the same trap, else just try to be more careful in the future. This could apply to people that have already fell for someone in particular, but moreso for those who are confused and don’t know where to begin.

Of course this blog post is written from my own perspective, so for women, do the gender math.

9. Premature Attachment is Unhealthy

Assuming too much about someone is definitely not a good thing, mentally nor emotionally. It is very easy to build up the image of the perfect woman in your head right in the beginning, only later to come to the realization that she never even took an interest in you in the slightest sense.

Sure, you may enjoy the brief moments in the day that you spend together, but the fantasies of everything begin to take over and you’re left wishing you never met the person.

Signs such as exchanging email addresses, leaning on each other, and staring into each others’ eyes do NOT mean that she is interested in you.

This is something I’d highly recommend to avoid, you do not want to enter into this dilemma. It is possible to take mental damage and lose focus on other important things in your life if you choose to admire someone in the early stages of getting to know them better.

8. Differing Lifestyles

There are some qualities about people that just aren’t ideal in the eyes of potential life partners. I think that in time, people decide to adjust themselves to their partners annoyances, however why change your preferences for her?

For example while she may have a habit of smoking, which you might initially find disgusting, you may come to like that quality in her, even though it’s bad for your health. Or perhaps she’s a vegetarian and addicted to tacos for some crazy reason, and you’re not the biggest fan of them. This doesn’t mean you don’t approve of or are repulsed by them, but the fact remains that it’s nothing special to you.

If you’re unlucky enough to already know the person you have a crush on and already know to a degree how they live their life, try this exercise to help yourself get over them. Just write down a list of all the varying life choices between you two, and compare them to things you dislike. This way, pinpointing these specific qualities in that person will trigger a psychological repulsion the next time you catch yourself thinking about her, trust me, it will happen a lot if you were in a similar situation as mine.

7. A New Measuring Stick is created

Now that you’ve noticed how beautiful her eyes are, how great her long, flourishing hair is, and the fact that she has the most beautiful smile in the world (among a variety of other things), it’s going to be difficult to forget about those qualities. Since falling for someone quite often illuminates these features of them, it’s virtually impossible to look at another in the same light.

Everything you’ve noticed about that particular woman is now something you subconsciously look for in the next woman, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. And 99.9% of the time, those women don’t measure up to the standards that you are looking for in a life partner.

This is probably a supreme killer when it comes to the dating world. Not only will one particular woman always be on your mind, but single women that may express an interest in you will go by completely unnoticed on your radar.

Plus, some women may even be repulsed by your behavior, whether you or they realize it consciously or not. It isn’t exactly an appealing turn-on when you are fawning over someone you know you can’t be with. So remember that when falling for someone, she becomes the measuring stick to which you compare every other woman you meet, which isn’t exactly the greatest mindset to give yourself.

6. Physical Appearances and Attractions change

As beautiful as your partner may look when you first meet, that appearance won’t remain. Over time her looks will deteriorate and her body will age, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Not to mention that married women in their late 30’s and 40’s grow bored with their sex lives, we’ve all seen the show “Desperate Housewives”, right? (OK, let me admit here that I’ve only seen the show twice, I don’t watch it on a regular basis or anything like that, and I’m NOT a fan of the show).

Furthermore, some people’s attractions change over time. It’s definitely possible that one year she’ll be fond of the way you dress through clothes that you wear, then the next she won’t give a rat’s ass about it and only worry about your financial situation together.

Some women probably let their looks go once they tie the knot. They’re thinking “Hey, now that I’m married, I no longer have to impress anyone with an attractive body or a great hairstyle”.

5. You’ll never have complete honesty

Although outright deceptions aren’t as common, they’re probably unhealthy for everyone. Not to mention other forms of white lies also exist.

For example, I was watching that “Moment of Truth” show on FOX, and this woman had been married for 10+ years to her husband, and it was revealed that she kept secrets from him that could potentially destroy their marriage. Questions like “Did you invite former lovers to your wedding?” or “Have you ever fantasized about sleeping with a co-worker?” prove that no one is exempt from the veils of deceit.

This is all besides the usual “Does this make me look fat?” questions you’d be sure to become bombarded with. And guys get screwed because either way, it’s a response she won’t want to hear.

4. You’ll retain complete control of your life

Once you make the decision that it’s just not worth seeking someone to love and make happy, tremendous burdens are lifted.

When you decide not to walk the path of love and commitment, everything you choose to do in your life is up to you. No compromising necessary, no forced approval, no attending undertaken events your prospective girlfriend would want.

Dinner, entertainment, and Shopping are all on the list of things couples do together. And they all require money to operate successfully. In most relationships, it can be assumed that these decisions are made jointly, thus taking away your personal freedom in how you want to live your life.

While you may not want to change your attitude towards her and you’re just waiting for the chance to impress the object of your affection, you just have to stop looking at the glass as half empty, no matter how hard it is to do.

3. She’s probably already seeing someone else

No matter how close someone may seem to get to you, they’ll mask their feelings well. Many of the manipulative females out there probably won’t tell you they’re seeing someone because they’re getting the best of both worlds. She’ll get to have a wonderful relationship and great sex with her boyfriend while dumping family problems on you and using you for schoolwork or something, among other things.

And at the same time, experiencing those great emotions with someone else while leaving you left in the dust. Feeling used and betrayed on some level or another, you begin to wonder what happened with everything. Maybe you screwed up while someone else just swooped in and crushed your dreams, or if he was already apart of her life and you just misevaluated the situation from the beginning.

Then you may start to ask yourself questions like “Why in the world is she attracted to him?” or “What does he do for her that I couldn’t?”, even though at the same time you know deep down it’s technically unfair to raise those points when you don’t know her boyfriend. Jealousy can be a powerful emotion that can make people go insane over mundane issues.

Regrettably for first timers, this can also trigger a sense of paranoia. Now that the person you first loved is gone and never felt anything for you in particular, you won’t be able to clearly perceive whether other women may take an interest, as thoughts like “This woman seems nice, but she’s probably taken” or even “Despite the fact she’s smiling and flirting with me, I don’t believe she’s attracted, as this has happened to me before, and I feel I got screwed over for thinking this way”, as there’s no one to compare them to.

2. Thinking about an Unrequited Crush all the time can lead you into a Depression

Maybe it’s just a brief moment of heartache, or there’s ages of experiencing misery, either way you’ll waste hours upon hours dreaming of a perfect scenario that will never happen.

You may come to a personal conclusion that you keep thinking about her day after day after day, and she’s just not going away, despite the fact you want to forget about her. Sometimes it’s best to cut off all contact with her allow yourself to move on, it may not be an enjoyable moment to initiate, but it is necessary for healing purposes.

Action and keeping yourself busy will help take your mind off of her. Depression can come in many forms, but this particular type is, for the most part, is difficult to cure, as it doesn’t directly relate to a chemical imbalance in the brain, but rather a compilation of past life experiences (in this case the times you’ve spent and thought about that particular person).

1. You’ll just wind up with a broken heart in the end

Whether you just met the person or you have together with them for 50 years, you’re bound to lose them one way or another. Some will probably have the wish to commit suicide because they can’t bear to exist without that other person. Or at the very least, wishing they never met the other person so that their heart would never have been broken at all.

It’ll even bring up various unwanted angry emotions, and in the heat of disgust, perhaps going so far as to call her “heartless” because of the unreturned feelings.

Everybody knows having a broken heart is not a comfortable thing, are you sure you want to have one? Things like these can take years to get over, even to the extent of your lifetime, as you’ve never experienced anything as bad as this before.

Still Want to Fall in Love?

Even after coming to the reality that all of these things will eventually happen? Sometimes it’s best to reevaluate everything that’s gone on in your life and you’re willing to accept the consequences of love.

Romantic quarrels and mind games are not pretty ones. You’ll be much better off in the long run by avoiding developing feelings for someone close. Just think of all the opportunities you’ll have in your life without thinking about someone else every minute of you’re time.

What to do to Mend A Broken Heart…

If you unfortunately already experienced heartache in some form or another, I think there’s a few things you can do. However, time is the only thing that can truly cure it. You just have to convince yourself to move on, and you truly want to spend your time and energy thinking about something else important in your life.

If you feel you’ve been duped by the game of love, there’s not much you can do initially, except recognize the warning signs, and just remember to be much more cautious the next time you think someone may express a fascination in you and your life.

Instead, put your time and effort into doing something positive for yourself, take a trip, create a website, listen to some melodic, feel-good music, anything to help suppress the pain you feel once you realize she’s not coming to you.

(UPDATE 4/27/08 = What I’ve experienced was wasn’t quite “a relationship”, so I decided I’ll describe my story in more detail below, to truly understand where I’m coming from.)

I met her right at the beginning of my sophomore year in college. Starting with the SECOND day of classes, she sat right next to me (despite there were 20 other open seats she could have chose), for some reason she flirted with me, I have no idea why. Since then we were talking to each other every day and sharing class work. (It was a four-day-per-week college class) She even gave me her email address within the second week.

She told me almost everything about herself, her favorite foods, her family, etc. We met outside of class often, at places such as the library, or cafeteria, etc. She had copied my work a few times, always preferred to work with me over other classmates for some reason. She sat next to me virtually EVERY day of the semester. This was the first girl who ever really paid much attention to me, or *seemed* interested in me.

I had asked her out a few times, but she always had an excuse, like having to work. As this happened, I thought she may have been playing hard to get or something, I wasn’t sure. She even asked me out once, but it was right before I had an exam, so I think she may have been joking around about it.

After about two months or so into the semester is when it hit me, I asked her directly about who this one guy was, and it turned out to be her boyfriend. She mentioned his name once or twice, but NEVER mentioned that she was in a relationship with him, until I specifically asked her about him. Despite the fact that I was devastated upon hearing she was already with someone else, I didn’t really try to let it show, or bother me. I knew that this was the moment when I should have tried to stop liking her, but for some reason I couldn’t. At that time, I foolishly believed I could remain “just friends” with her, and supress this now dead chance of romance, in spite of everything that happened between us, in my eyes.

Two weeks or so later, I poured my heart out to her, trying to explain everything that happened from my perspective, and I was direct with her about my feelings, but she wanted to pretend like I never told her anything. I probably shouldn’t have, as I respected the fact that she was in a relationship with someone else, but it was eating me up inside.

Spring semester then rolled around, and we didn’t really see much of each other as often, a few times here and there. We still enrolled in the same class, but it was scheduled at different times of the day. Whenever we did see each other she either asked me for answers to the test (My class was a few hours before hers.), or just a few things in general, like what to expect in class that day, etc. Then about half way into spring semester, I told her I had to end all contact with her, I told her I tried remaining just friends with her, but it wasn’t working out very well for me, as I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

We didn’t talk or see each other for about two months. Then, a few weeks before finals, she approached me in the library (it seemed random to me at the time), wanting to talk to me (I don’t know why), it took me completely by surprise. It was basically a, “how’ve you been?” conversation, even though I told her I had feelings for her and I she was always on my mind.

A few days after that meeting, I emailed her, telling her things couldn’t go back to normal, so I asked her if she had feelings for me (How was I suppose to know if she was still with him or not). She insulted me and told me she never wanted to hear from me again, so I wrote her a “final good-bye” email (I was angry at the time I wrote it, even though it was brief, I had a few nasty words.) She seemed shocked that I said those things, and believed she did nothing wrong (honestly, I was surprised she responded at all), and that I could say things like that; she even mentioned that we “barely knew each other”, which I thought was a pretty big lie, considering what happened. We then reconciled and cleared the air about everything, and she apologized for whatever pain she caused me (although she was unaware of what exactly it was, even though I thought it was obvious). And finally we agreed we would just end all contact with each other once and for all, it would be for the best, and she even told me she got married to her boyfriend (*Now* she tells me). It was at that time when I realized just how serious they were, and just how crushed I felt.

From that moment on, we haven’t seen or heard from each other to this day.

Sometimes I wish that I dropped the class before I grew as attached as I had. Or maybe even taking it one step further and wishing that I never met her at all.

At times, I still feel tormented about everything, despite the fact that it was over a year ago when we stopped speaking. I had never been that close to a woman before, so if you can imagine how shy and reclusive I was before, just imagine how much more it became after those events took place.

I don’t believe I’ll EVER want to make those same mistakes again. How some people can deal with pain like this everyday remains a mystery to me.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 17th, 2008 at 2:11 am and is filed under Love Advice, Sociology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.