High School is probably a living hell for some (if not most) students. Here is my definitive guide to becoming the most popular person on campus.
Let me start off by saying however, I was NOT apart of the “popular crowd”. However, I wasn’t a part of the “geek crowd” either, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t apart of ANY crowd, I was just ME. I never cared to become, or even attempted at reaching a level of popularity at that time in my life, I had the wisdom and the foresight to realize that no matter how popular one may become, it doesn’t mean squat in the real world.
The social status is certainly achievable, and with a little manipulation, it is definitely possible to reach this position yourself. This is how I would have done it if I actually *did* care about becoming popular.
While it may be true that trends and fads change over time, and every high school throughout the world is different (I’ll be the first here to admit that I don’t know what the international school levels are, so I’m speaking from the American perspective.), the foundations of the plan undoubtedly remains the same.
First Step: Know the Playing Fields and Understand the Collective Groups of Peers
This is crucial, without knowledge of your peers and your high school settings, you’ll get nowhere. The guide I’m writing here won’t turn you into a popular student overnight, it will take proper planning and a few weeks (or months, depending on your current status) of scoping the and analyzing your potential strategies.
The first investigation involves the various groups available. Recognize your targets and make sure no one suspects your reconnaissance work:
- The Jocks = Athletic, always discussing last night’s game with their fellow teammates and coaches, are often intimidating
- The Social Butterflies = Always talking, making friends with just about anyone, and attend every social event the school offers
- The Intelligent Ones (Non-Nerds) = Eloquent within their academic circle, yet smart enough not to associate themselves with the outcasts of the system
- Other = Any other group that may be known either specifically to your school region or may have been ‘missing’ from this list
Step Two: Choose A Group and Plan
After an adequate amount of time has passed, the time comes where you have to choose a group and formulate a covert strategy.
TIP: Be sure you Pick a Group You Can Be Good At! You know you don’t belong in the athletic group if you only weigh 85 pounds and can’t even complete the mile run.
Some ideas to keep in mind as you develop your plan include:
- Start off small. You don’t want to rush into crazy events such as mooning everyone at the next pep rally or something similar. You’ll give your position away too early.
- Don’t hold back. This roller coaster ride of a plan will involve making friendships, destroying hearts, betrayal, and even subtle manipulation of events. The inevitability of the lack of emotional distraught means it would be wise to train yourself both physically and psychologically, and not grow too attached to any specific person or peer group.
- Be sure to cover all your bases. Missions rarely go according to the written game plan, so it is of the utmost importance that you have every possible angle covered, the shifting of original steps on the spot, and the calculation of every precise point in your overall strategy as you plan to dominate the battlefield of High School.
Next Step: When you feel Ready and Confident Enough, Craft and Execute your Plan
After careful timing and consideration, the time comes to set your ultimate goal in motion.
Remember, most teenagers are easy to manipulate, not the kids themselves exactly, but ranking highly among the social hierarchy of the school shouldn’t be too difficult of a task. Just about every school has one, and be aware that you are going to have rivals.
Don’t backstab your competitors immediately, it is important to have allies and improvising tactical advances in the Art of War is a necessity. You will get nowhere in this field of combat if you decide to go at it entirely alone.
The Fourth Step: Earn some Thought Out and / or Crazy “Popularity Points”
Popularity Points (PP) can be useful to raise your awareness of your current status during the school year. While these spcific numbers aren’t set in stone, they don’t apply everywhere, as specific groups require different point values. So use these approximate numbers to your advantage, where 0 PP means you’re the biggest loser on campus, and 100 PP means you’re Ruler of the High School:
- 2 PP = Earn an after-school detention, Attend the Pep Rally, Crack a witty joke in front of a crowd (+1 if during a class)
- 5 PP = Get a date and / or enter a relationship ( +5 if they’re at least somewhat popular), Start a fight, Score the winning point(s) at the end of the game in your respective sport
- 10 PP = Receive straight A’s for a whole year, Purchase and show off an automobile, Host a party at your home (-5 if your parents catch you)
- 25 PP = Win a prestigious title such as Homecoming King (or Queen), Win a Sports Championship, Sleep with a teacher
- -5 PP = Act like a pussy and back away from a challenge, break down in the middle of the hall, join the chess team or computer club
If you suck at mathematics, don’t use the above system I laid out, instead follow the guidelines, but go with your gut (or better yet, don’t even attempt to become popular, you can’t get to the top without knowing a little math).
It is also important to NOT repeat each point-earner. Spread out where you decide to earn points. Some people might find it a tad suspicious if you enter twenty relationships throughout the year, they’ll perceive you as a slut.
And the Final Step: Remain at the top until you no longer wish to
(If you haven’t obtained at least 100 PP in one year, go back to step four and try again.)
Now you’ve done it, you’ve climbed to the top the social mountain, congratulations!
Is it everything you’ve expected it to be? Are you truly happy with your current status as Champion of your High School?
Perhaps it becomes boring at the top, you may feel lonely up there, or there’s just too much attention for you to handle; whatever the reason is, bow out with grace. It is very easy to lose your status on top of the ladder, and difficult to regain that special status.
Whether you are happy at the top or not, as one final piece of advice, remember just how much this means to yourself and your friends (and just how much the rest of the world actually cares about it).