Everyday you wake up and she’s the first thing on your mind
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
No matter how vigorously you attempt to escape
Your feelings betray you.
As the delusions rot away within your soul
You become a prisoner of your own regrets.
Jealousy seethes to the surface
Despite lingering in the shadows of your own mind.
For those who do not receive proper closure
Insanity eats them alive like a virus.
The dreams of happiness between the two of you
Die a slow and painful death.
Conscious knowledge that there will never be love exists
As the trust in others has been eliminated.
All that remains of your being
Is an empty shell devoid of emotion and love.
Trapped in a coffin of doom
As she unknowingly buries you alive.
Those close to you can no longer tell
Once the transformation is completed.
Acknowledging permanent isolation is a necessity
Which results in walking the Earth as a living corpse.
Perhaps the key to freedom
Is through the contemplation of controlling your death
Is there really any difference between Life and Hell?
This is one of the most depressing posts I’ve ever read! No offence dude, but you need to look on the bright side of life. I know what its like to like someone, perhaps love them, but not have those feelings reciprocated. It does hurt, but you have to move on. Life != Hell (in PHP speak! :D). There are some great things in life, and there’s more to life than worrying about some woman - there are plenty more fish in the sea and sooner or later, you’re bound to meet someone that makes you happy and does reciprocate your feelings.
P.S.:
1) It can be hard to notice other women when you are still hung up on someone - getting over it can really open up a whole range of opportunities.
2) Women generally don’t find depressed men that attractive! Lol. If you pick yourself back up, then your more likely to get the attention of others.
Dan
Not a big fan of my dark poetry Dan?
Although in my defense, this isn’t EXACTLY how I feel, I was just thinking of the horrible pain I felt and took it to the extreme, through the poetry. I was more concerned with painting a picture of gloom for my readers, rather than just jotting down spur of the moment depression.
Also, this post was sitting in my drafts bin for a few months or so, I just decided to publish it now, it seemed like a good time, exactly one year after I stopped talking to her (Yeah, I know I’m crazy
).
I’m glad this isn’t how you feel now then
Time is a great healer.
So is writing
Honestly, I don’t know how I’d feel if I didn’t have my blog to let all my thoughts out.
It really kind of sucks how my first love for someone turned out this way. Which in turn sets up the way I’m going to view all women in general, and remaining powerless to change the way I perceive the rest of my future interactions with women.
The strange thing is that I can’t control when I feel the way I do, and believe me if I could somehow forget I ever met her or have any memory of her in my mind in general, I would.
Believe me, I know what that’s like. It can be difficult to let go sometimes and move on but it has to be done. The person you are moving on from probably isn’t right for you anyway - it wasn’t meant to be.
There are plenty more fish in the sea!
Dan
Thanks for all the faith and listening to these crazy problems Dan, it means a lot.
It can be hard to have a positive outlook on future things when the ONE (and only) woman who ever appeared take a interest in me and who I was; never even gave me a second glance. Especially since she kept all those things from me.
But from a practical standpoint, I can’t agree with the “Plenty of Fish in the Sea” belief. If you do the Math, the only women that you could potentially see yourself with naturally would have to require the following:
*Live in your city (or community)
*See you on some sort of daily basis (like in a class, at work, etc.)
*Have to be single
*Could make time to start a relationship
*Could actually approach you and start a conversation
And probably the most difficult:
*There’d have to be a mutual attraction between the two of you
So you can see why chances of meeting someone are far slimmer than most probably think. In my opinion, it’s not really finding a fish in “the sea”, but more of a “small pond”.
It seems that most people eventually marry/get into long term relationships, so I think there’s a decent chance you’ll meet someone.
You meet new people all the time, especially if you live in a city (which I don’t). Get out there and go to things where you’ll meet people similar to yourself. There are bound to be plenty of events where other, similar aged people are at in your city - and who says you won’t move somewhere in the not-too-distant future, further extending your social group. If you really want to meet someone, try to get into new social groups - go to nightclubs, bars or whatever. Maybe go to festivals or parties. There are lots of single people out there - it’s just finding them.
I’d agree that expecting to meet someone special by simply staying in the same routine and not widening your group of friends would be hard - therefore, meet new people and have fun! Not that many couples knew each other from childhood or their teenage years - many met up after that in their late teens or early 20s (or later). My Dad knew my Mum vaguely from school but they weren’t really friends and she left to travel. It was only in his late 30s that they met up again. They’ve been married like 18 or 19 years now.
Are you sure most do? I know many people that don’t (or can’t) find someone.
It’s not so much that I want to “meet someone”, it’s more along the lines of “I want to permanently forget about her”. I felt perfectly fine before meeting her, and I was pretty much content with what I had.
Since I have pretty much always been an introverted person, I knew what it was like to live in my own “bubble world”, so to speak, and since she came along and then “popped it”, I realize just how lonely I was, and find myself thinking how could I have ever been happy before.
It’s kind of difficult to describe (still)