Why does lying rock? I mean come on! Who doesn’t want to lie? Everyone does it at one point or another in their lives. Why not take it a step further and actually reward yourself for a job well done?
Let me provide you with just a few examples of why lies offer some of the absolute BEST options available:
Gets You out of Trouble
Have you done something bad? Something you shouldn’t have? Even committing a crime such as shoplifting or harassment? Just tell the authorities that you didn’t do it. Bada-bing, bada-boom, you’re out of trouble, scott-free. Or how about when you must stand in front of the judge? Lying under oath can provide some ripe opportunities, and some hefty consequences, so beware. Sooner or later, everyone who knows you will be so tangled up in the lies around your web of deceit, nobody will know what to believe anymore.
This is also one of the reasons you should never fall in love. You should find it nearly impossible to catch a partner or spouse in the act of cheating. Humans are preprogrammed for this, it’s in their nature. How anyone could put their trust and faith in a life partner is astounding. You’d be better off playing the game and not take any chances of committing to a relationship, given the probability that infidelity will occur.
Make Money
Just how many ways are there to make money off of false information? Tons. For example, telling someone you bought a computer for $5,000 when it’s real value is at $3,000 boldly increases your profit margin (Unless of course that customer you’re dealing with isn’t an idiot and actually knows a thing or two about computers).
On top of that, some people even build professions out of lies (Lawyers, Politicians, Media Personalities, and Salesmen immediately come to mind). Money makes the world go round, so why not reward yourself with a cut of profits? Earning cash can be as easy as you allow it to be, it’s just your morals that are the obstacle in the way, find a balancing point between the two. But hey, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
How about an attempt at story fabrication? Not only do you get a chance to spread vast amounts of misinformation one way or another, people may actually spark an interest in your words and present you with a sweet payoff for your storytelling capabilities.
Save People from Pain
How many people want to be hurt from hearing the Cold, Hard Truth? Not many, I would suspect. How many women do you know enjoy being called “fat” from their husbands? Plus some people may have bad taste in style or fashion, or perhaps a lack of brain power, where there comprehension, mathematical skills, etc. are very low, and informing them of these truthful traits will deeply hurt their feelings.
Or how about imagining if there was a fire and the children inside would not leave the flaming building without some sort of ulterior incentive, such as candy or toys waiting for them on the front lawn? It has been reported that 3,245 people died in the United States due to a fire. Most of that high number have to be kids, because children are stupid. Seriously, what kind of idiot dies in a fire moving at a grand speed of 2 MPH?
Manipulation
Perhaps the greatest benefit from lying comes from deceiving people you may be close to for your own personal gains through manipulation. This can offer many rewards.
Since falsehoods are being discussed, verbal manipulation is most relevant. Convincing others to follow your leadership through persuasion based on an untruth can offer superb benefits, not to mention a nice ego boost along with it. Between white lies and full-blown distorted facts, manipulation is present in both scenarios, as long as you are smart enough to gain an advantage through them. Once you have control of all the information, power is right behind you and very easy to obtain. Remember the phrase “Knowledge is Power”.
Manipulation can be found in just about every type of event that takes place, whether good or evil. Some manipulate the cells in their body via a medicine tabulate to help them feel healthier. Others may manipulate an enemy by pouring poison into their drink and sharing with them it’s “source”, which came from an exotic island, whereas in reality it came from beneath the kitchen sink.
Increases your Willpower and Strength
Perhaps look at deception as one giant game, an art form, if you will. Oftentimes deception is required to further an agenda, which requires planning and strategical tactics, thus boosting your intelligence.
Through countless acts of misleading and betrayal, along with your own cunning, you can achieve great success. Is it at all possible to name one successful person who hasn’t told a lie to reach the top? Just remember though, make sure you don’t get caught, and most importantly, you didn’t hear any of these tips from me!
So what are you waiting for? Get out there and start lying to everyone you know today!
Sorry but I’ve got to say:
“What the hell?!”
I admit I lie too much but it’s generally not something I’m proud of. Lying often causes more pain than the truth - the truth almost always comes out in the end (at least about big things) so it’s better to tell the truth first off than lie to make someone happy temporarily until they find out the real truth and are even more angry/sad/depressed than if you’d told the truth first off.
Plus, you say “You’d be better off playing the game and not take any chances of committing to a relationship, given the probability that infidelity will occur.” This isn’t true. There are a lot of people out there who are extremely loyal and faithful and wouldn’t cheat on their partners. You must have really had a terrible experience to believe the whole world is like this. I can tell you it’s not. I really think you should try meeting new people and finding a new social group - at least then, you’d realise that not everyone would cheat on their partner.
Lying sucks - if fewer people lied, I think this world would be a better place.
Dan, take a look at the second category I posted this under.
Most of the stuff I write under Satire isn’t always the absolute truth, and I’m just messin’ around when I write about most of these types of topics. Sometimes I try to make them sound absurd, yet believable enough to be reflecting my core beliefs (even when they’re really not). This post is a primary example of it. I thought you knew about that.
*Embarrassed* Umm…. I knew that…. Sorry I completely missed looking at the category…
Yeah, that can happen sometimes,
as categories are easy to look over quite often. Granted the lines can be blurred sometimes in other posts I write about too, but I *do* label the blatant ones. It’s just a part of my style I use on the site.
(And for real, I do agree with the points you made in your first post. Most of them closely reflect my views as well. People lie and deceive all the time, and communities as a whole generally don’t benefit from them. In the long run, it is more damaging, IMHO.)
The really sad thing is that I know (and even are related) to people that truly do think exactly like your post. I have one relative in particular that couldn’t tell the truth if her life literally depended on it. Her entire marriage is based on lies & manipulation through omission. I was overjoyed when she moved out of state. Me - I will tell my kids something like “I’m not telling Dad.”, then I tell him anyways, even when I know it’s going to make him mad. Partly because it’s who I am, partly because he really is my best friend and the rest of the reason is because the truth is just so much simpler.