How to NOT Sound Like an Idiot
Posted by: James Lewitzke in Online Communities, SociologyIdiocy comes in many forms. This is predominately common for the online world.
If you haven’t noticed, blogs and other community-oriented websites (this one being a fringe example) become bombarded with this form of ignorance every single day. On average, I’ll read about ten to fifteen topics a day from clueless people that more or less destroy the IQ of whomever is viewing their messages.
If you’re going to make a post on a forum somewhere, or especially if you’re going to write a comment on this website, adhere to the following tips precisely!
Do Proper Research First
One of the most common forms of online amentia is the dumbass question asker:
Hi Frnds! What is the best way to become popular?
What is a backlink? Can u plz advise me 2 get site in top 10 of Google?
If you’re going to log on to a website and start creating topics that ask very basic questions that a monkey could string together, don’t even bother. Find something more productive to do with your time, like re-reading your third grade text books.
What should you do if you’re in the group that has to put up with this crap? Direct these lazy ass bums to a tool that they can actually use to find an answer (and quit wasting everyone else’s time), a reliable Search Engine!
Titles are Everything
Every now and then I’ll see a subject heading somewhere along the lines of:
Is this Possible in any form?
How to do this?
HELP! I don’t know what to do!
Question: What do all these titles have in common? Answer: They’re stupid and provide as little information as possible!
Do you really think we know what you mean when you ask something like “What is wrong with my webpage?”? Sure, you and those closest to you may be able to decipher the general question, but for those of us that don’t have telepathic powers, do us a favor and either A) specifically tell us what the problem is; or B) shut the fuck up.
Bottom line? Write a descriptive title that intelligent people can actually interpret and return information to you as quickly as possible. You think I enjoy playing Twenty Questions with you? I’m not going to waste my time, I’ve got better things to do.
Don’t Use Fancy Styling
If you’re one of those dipshits whom likes to post in different fonts, colors, and sizes, you will only succeed at one thing, pissing me off. Save the blue, tiny, Italian style micro-fonts for your traffic-less, diary blog that no one reads, not everyone has binocular vision.
The worst of these offenders is probably the semi right-wing Bible-quoter. (And I use the term “semi” in the context that the idiot can’t make up his mind on what the hell he’s talking about, however the same could be said about all politically minded individuals.) These verse-hounding loonies love to preach on and on about ‘God loves you, 8:16′ and ‘Matthew 2:14 says something else’ and other extreme, random Christian bullshit, even when the topic has nothing to do with religion. If you just happen to fall under the category of “Bible Bitch”, do the world a favor and seal away your thoughts tighter than a peanut butter jar at a squirrel convention.
Don’t Quote Wikipedia as a Primary Source of Information
Every once in a while I’ll stumble across the odd post where some asshole decides he’ll be clever and rely upon the fountain of misinformation that is Prickipedia for proper fact-checking. All I can do is laugh in their face and give them a swift kick in the ass towards the right direction.
How people can trust a source that is editable by ANYONE is beyond logical comprehension. Someone once wrote that Joesph Stalin actually went through a “homosexual experimentation stage” in college and that the Earth’s Moon was composed entirely of cheese (I wish I were making this stuff up). The ridiculousness doesn’t stop there however, the encyclopedia (I use that term loosely) currently contains pointless articles such as Nazi UFOs and Whale Explosions. Unbelievable.
Write using a clear, proper, and concise approach
Hey DUDE!
Hv U herd the newz??? Do U thnk dey shud hv du dat? lol @ y this iz happinin. i h8 those fagz,dat tink their rulin of the wurld!!! How mny of dem bitchz,like to suk dik? Srsly, wut u thin shud be dun bout dis mess, Ya no???
i’m from China
i wnt to make friends wiv u
thank you
my msn:imamoron@aol.com
You wouldn’t believe how many messages and emails I’ve seen that follow this line of syntax. If the grammar and capitalization mistakes don’t scare you, the misspellings and lack of vowels certainly will.
The Mount Everest of the world that is Instant Messaging Crap, is without a doubt spelling the word “You” as “U” (not to be confused with equally inane “your / you’re” mistakes). If you’re too much of a lazy ass dolt that making TWO EXTRA KEYSTROKES places extensive strain on your fingers, then you probably shouldn’t be using a computer at all! Sell the machine before it gives you a brain aneurysm.
I don’t even bother with many of the comments I read here on THIS website. I grow tired of pissing away time attempting to decrypt the ‘txt spk’ contained within every other message I have the misfortune of viewing.
These are the same sorts of people that type in all caps, write huge blobs of text (break up that paragraph for readability reasons, fool), and can’t even be bothered to properly punctuate a paragraph. Maybe you should have actually paid attention during English class instead of yammering on with your classmates about who’s going out with whom, and whom got laid last night, bitch.
Seriously, do you people even consider what you’ve typed into the textarea before clicking that “Add Comment” button?
Don’t Copy and Paste
If you actually gave two-shits about the place you were posting to, you wouldn’t spam them with duplicate articles and misinformation.
Don’t act like a Crybaby Loser
If someone doesn’t reply to your inquiry, it’s not that we think you’re an idiot (well, that’s an entirely different matter), but members might not know the answer you’re seeking right away, not everyone is a walking encyclopedia of problem solving.
The odds of you screwing up and STILL making one of these mistakes are roughly about ten thousand to one, so here’s the steps you should take:
- Get Over It.
If you don’t enjoy the replies you get on a certain site, or you’ve got tough issues you absolutely must hammer out and debate on, you can always find somewhere else to hang out. If that option doesn’t do it for you, don’t forget you can always feel free to get bent.
This post was very informative. I’ll be sure to check out some more of the posts on here
I concur with the user “Punkturbokitty”. Your article was quite informative and well written, I agree with almost everything said 100%. Keep it up!