My Project

Basically I’m building my own Content Management System from scratch. I’m really just beginning to get into the goodness of PHP and MySQL, and the functions they offer, what goes where, etc. I’ve rarely used either besides administering my blog and the conspiracy forums, so I barely had any knowledge of either language directly beforehand.

Why?

Just for fun. I think I’d be good at creating something useful for people. Although from a technical standpoint, I’m making it solely for my own needs, but others may use it too if they wish.

I’m going to do everything for the CMS, program it, design it, manage it, etc. I’ll probably make an announcement when it’s completed, but it’s nothing big or anything, just for people to know about it, if they want to see it, give feedback, or whatever. It’ll probably take months to complete too, given I’m new to most of the concepts I’ll be using.

So, yeah, if I’m not around on the forums as much, or pertaining to blog updates, that’s what I’ve been working on (in addition to my internship that is, which is unrelated).

Why are Search Engines a bad source of traffic to Market for?

This is the average reaction from a rank checker:

Rankings fluctuate, thus rendering rank checking a useless practice. Besides, they don’t always mean targeted traffic and conversion rates (which are (or should be) the most common goals for commercialized websites).

Google uses many datacenters to return search results to end users. Plus, Google’s (along with every other major Search Engine’s) algorithm is ever-changing, so, factors level themselves out. For example, one day, Google may place a heavy importance on the date the post was created, then the next day, word count becomes a major factor. It’s impossible to tell what portion gives weight in accordance to others. So then you’ll ask something like this:

BUUT James, How else AM I suppozed too Get Traffic LOL?!?!

Pretend that the Search Engines do NOT exist!

Don’t believe me? Just imagine for a moment Google, Yahoo, MSN, Ask, or all the other search engines have never existed. Pretend that it is 1993, the web is just beginning to explode on the internet. Many possibilities await you (Not to mention all the tools you have at your disposal in the present). Some immediate examples include:

• Community Partaking = Some places, such as discussion forums, allow you to interact with similar-minded people. If you constantly give worthy advice, people will want to hear what you have to say (on your own site).
• Word-of-Mouth = If you have something interesting, why not let others do the marketing for you?
• Direct Traffic = If you have a good website, and people have already seen it once, chances are they’ll bookmark it and return to read or interact with it again and again.

This is the mind set you have to have if you want to market your website properly.

This will allow you to easily display things like “Recent Posts”, Text inserts, and even Google Adsense Ads on your homepage. My website’s front page was created using this process, so I will specifically teach you how two create a two column page layout. Any text editor will do, I used Notepad++, which works great.

First, you have to register the widgets and create two new custom sidebars for your theme. I named each sidebar “col-left” and “col-right”, so, if you wish to name them something differently, then replace the phrase within the code appropriately. To do this, open your functions.php file in your theme’s folder and insert the following code (It works fine for me right at the top of the file):

<?php
if ( function_exists('register_sidebar') )
register_sidebar(array('name'=>'col-left',
'before_widget' => '',
'after_widget' => '',
'before_title' => '<h2>',
'after_title' => '</h2>',
));
register_sidebar(array('name'=>'col-right',
'before_widget' => '',
'after_widget' => '',
'before_title' => '<h2>',
'after_title' => '</h2>',
));
?>

Assuming your theme is already using widgets, you’ll want to find the specific section of code in functions.php where the widgets are already registered. For my theme, this is where it was:

<?php
if (function_exists('register_sidebar')) {
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar(array('name'=>'Royale Top'));
register_sidebar(array('name'=>'Royale Bottom'));
}

And then I added the newly defined sidebars to it, like this:

<?php
if (function_exists('register_sidebar')) {
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar();
register_sidebar(array(’name’=>’col-left’));
register_sidebar(array(’name’=>’col-right’));
register_sidebar(array(’name’=>’Royale Top’));
register_sidebar(array(’name’=>’Royale Bottom’));
}

Now that we’ve got the functions out of the way, we need to create a Page Template. For my homepage, I decided to include a header, footer, and the new widget sidebars we just defined.

Open a new text document and save the file, I decided to call it welcome.php. To be sure that wordpress reads this appropriately, we need to include the template name in the file, like so:

<?php

/*
Template Name: Welcome Page
*/
?>

And to include the sidebars and everything else in this specific template, insert the following:

<?php get_header(); ?>

<div id="widecontent">
<div id="col-left">
<?php if ( !function_exists('dynamic_sidebar')
|| !dynamic_sidebar('col-left') ) : ?>
<?php endif; ?>
</div>
<div id="col-right">
<?php if ( !function_exists('dynamic_sidebar')
|| !dynamic_sidebar('col-right') ) : ?>
<?php endif; ?>
</div>

</div>

<?php get_footer(); ?>

Then you can upload the welcome.php we just created to your theme’s root folder (the same folder that contains your functions.php file). To actually apply this template is fairly easy, just go to “Write > Page”, scroll down to “Page Template” and select the appropriate file you just created (Welcome Page, in my case). Then go to “Design > Widgets” and select which features you want to appear in each sidebar (col-left and col-right).

Woohoo! The sidebars are now showing up on the main page. But, it looks pretty bad, just one underneath the other. To adjust where and how these widgets look, we must apply styles to the newly created sidebars. If you’ve noticed, when we coded the template, we applied some divisional IDs to the sidebars, so we have to open up style.css and insert them somewhere (preferably a section where you’ll be able to find them easily) and float the sidebars and add margins to the content, for example:

#widecontent {
font-size: 1.9em;
width: 45%;
list-style: none;
margin-left: 100px;
}

#col-left {
float: left;
}

#col-right {
float: left;
}

It’s really up to you how you want to style the sidebars, so have fun and play around with them for a little bit. Adjust them to your personal tastes and likings. I was able to include many things on my homepage now that I wasn’t able to before.

Ever since the turn of the millennium, all we’ve had playing on the radio is crap music like Britney Spears, Simple Plan, or the new Rap and Hip-Hop Genres, where all they sing about is killing their mothers, bitches this and hoes that. When was the last time we’ve had bands following in the veins of greats like Metallica, Pink Floyd, or even as far back as the Beatles?

Commercialized music this past decade is probably best described as decrepit aural garbage that makes you glad you have your music player’s volume on the highest interval so it showers you with a curtain of deafness over your ears which in-turn offers solace from the everyday bullshit ambiance society has come to known as modern-day “Music”.

Then there’s the kids who think that by dressing up as and acting like their favorite music idols somehow provides them with a heightened sense of significance and worth. You’ve probably seen them at your local mall, or movie theater, they’re the same ones who can’t stop bitching about how their “totally uncool” parents won’t let them have a sleepover, despite the fact they obviously have some freedom given by their parents (hence their presence in public places with their peers).

You’re not a 21 year old, skanked-up slut who’s just discovered what PMS is. Find a new role model.

And you’re not rebellious, hip, nor does “Look at me, I talk as though I’m unfamiliar with third grade grammar, and walk as if I was born with Cerebral Palsy” properly describe your attitude enough. Just stop, dumbass.

A New Music Revolution?

I think it’s about time we’ve had one. The Music Industry has become too commercialized these days, only concerning themselves with earning profits and culturalizing our youth into their predefined sense of what’s “cool” or not. I cannot think of a single extraordinary artist or song that has been released over the past few years.

The only way I see this happening is if either A) Consumers stop purchasing the fecal-smelling, aural noise the that passes for music these days, thus causing the Music Industry Advertisers and Businessmen to take their heads out of their asses and reevaluate their marketing strategies. Or B) People take a stand against the record labels and radio stations, and demand to hear the music that they’ll actually enjoy listening to in the car ride home, and doesn’t sound like crap.

I don’t understand why there hasn’t been one yet. Don’t executives realize it’s a win-win situation? Not only do we get tons of great options to choose from, but all the great albums and singles would lead to larger profits for the Music industrialists. Just bury the crap that’s on store shelves and bring the heart and soul back to the recording studio, it’s not that hard to do. There’s probably tons of no-name artists out there with 100 times more talent than this mainstream bullshit.

Aren’t there any Positives?

Admittedly though, there are a few good listens, but they’re nowhere near the frequency as past decades. Just take a listen to the Classical Performance group “Gregorian” for example. While they are a cover group, they still perform some spectacular renditions of classical rock songs. My favorites are Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, R.E.M.’s Losing My Religion, and their personal best, in my opinion, is their remake of the Phil Collins hit In the Air Tonight.

Then there’s always the music that isn’t necessarily held in the same light as vocal and choral renditions. The Video Game’s Music Industry is exactly what I am thinking about here, with the Halo 3 Soundtrack at the genre’s focal point. If you haven’t heard it yet, you don’t know what you’re missing out on.

Sometimes you have to open your mind and consider trying new genres to listen to. That is of course, as long as you’re not a socially insecure, “what-will-my-peers-think-of-me”, pansy-ass bitch.

Technology

How did I find this great music, you ask?

Not only can it be a pain in the ass searching for alternative music (online or offline), but chances are you won’t find what you’re looking for in the stores like Best Buy or on iTunes. I probably spent an hour digging through hundreds of CDs hoping I “might” come across what I’m looking for. But to my surprise (sarcasm), the albums were nowhere to be found. Nice selection of Music to choose from, dipshits.

Thankfully the Audio Search Engine Mp3gle exists, they truly are the Google of Music and Audio. I was able to find rare songs instantaneously using their technology. It linked directly to the audio files too, so you could listen to the files from various websites right then and there, no pussyfooting around with finding each individual website which only has one good song on embedded within it. The internet can be a great tool if you know how to use it properly.

Does all the mainstream horse manure still appeal to you?

When the MTV Crowd and the people who fund them (aka greedy corporate bastards) finally wake up, maybe there’ll be a shred of decency brought upon this dying art form. Here’s an experiment to try, just ask any rapper or pop-wannabe if they can name one “instrumental” in their respective genre. Don’t be surprised if they stare back for awhile and their only response contains a blank expression on their face.

At least no matter what the outcome is in the end, we still have our own favorite musical preferences from the past and present that we can listen to and enjoy whenever we wish, right? Oh, wait.

Let me start by saying that I’m right handed, but I play all First Person Shooters (FPS) and adventure games left-handedly. I have been using southpaw control configuration ever since Rare released Goldeneye 007 for the Nintendo 64 (It was actually the game that got me interested in FPS’s).

After reading rave reviews for Mass Effect, and the thought of actually getting to fly a spaceship throughout the galaxy in a non-linear story fashion was a terrific concept. I thought I was going to have loads of fun, then I started my search through the game menus to adjust the settings to my liking, and guess what? That’s right, only four options pertaining to gameplay.

FOUR options? THAT’S IT?!?! What a joke. You’d think in the year 2008 with all the advanced gaming technology, computer programming capabilities, graphic designs, and hard drive space, that the developers could take an hour or two and assign some user-selectable control features; but nooooooo, you can’t even prioritize what is arguably the most important factor during gameplay, you know, controlling your character.

The Bigger Picture

This is what is wrong with the Video Game industry today:

These companies don’t take their customers very seriously. Take for example tech support. You spend days searching through and posting on company forums and FAQs, spend an hour on the phone only to be put on hold for another hour so that the tech rep can tell you he doesn’t have an answer for you, and you’ve just realized you’ve pissed away a week searching for an answer to which would result in pissing away even more time (having fun) playing the game.

Accountability?

I think it’s about time for arrogant game developers to stop discriminating against players while simultaneously getting their heads out of their asses to spend a few minutes programming the features in. Don’t they realize that there’s a whole demographic of other gamers that use alternative control schemes for just about every genre?

I was able to muster through Knights of the Old Republic with the default controls, barely. (Though this is only because it didn’t require quick reflexes and precision to aim and shoot and such.) Not offering personalized customization is a bad move BioWare, a BAD MOVE for everyone.

All I’m asking for here is a downloadable patch or something to accommodate control schemes that offer players the most comfortable experience possible. How can I possibly enjoy a game if it controls like shit?

Don’t you game developers realize there is a potential win-win situation for both of us here? Not only will there be:

• Happy Customers who can play a game as comfortably as possible,
• But you’ll also get more business and increased revenue in game sales

This doesn’t go for just BioWare though, there are other games I’ve played that have been ruined by crappy controls, like Splinter Cell and Bioshock for example. To be fair though, it isn’t just the game developers who are at fault, the publishers more than likely have a hand in this as well. With the constant schedule deadlines, financial expectations, and all the developmental timelines they set, it’s no wonder great games don’t come along very often.

At least Some Understand

How hard would it be to program a few custom control schemes into the game? Not very, I imagine. This is one of the features I LOVE about Quake 4 (and Doom 3), they offer a completely customizable control system. Any button can be used for reloading or shooting, hell I could even Left Trigger to Jump if I wanted to.

I can say the same thing about the Halo franchise (my favorite shooter genre of all time at the moment). While every button may not be programmed for any feature the player wishes, Bungie still included a plethora of options for both thumbstick AND button layouts. Let me tell you, if it didn’t I sure as hell wouldn’t have played Halo’s two sequels, and I doubt the series would have anywhere near the magnitude it currently holds without these specific control features.

Allow me to give a big thanks to ID software for RECOGNIZING that there are southpaw (and legacy) players out there, and it makes sense to offer these choices because over 10% of the population are left-handed by default, not to mention the rest of us who chose to learn to play FPS’s with southpaw layouts.

Microsoft did take a step in the right direction though, by adding the universal game control feature to the Xbox 360 dashboard. However this can be easily overridden by the game’s programming, which means most, if not all, game developers can ignore it if they wish. (Thank God The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion was affected by this feature, or else that game would have been shipped back to the stores too; and guess what, playing the game with southpaw controls made it that much more ENJOYABLE.)

At least Southpaw Legacy (formerly altcntrlgmr.com) gets the situation, and was a great resource of information available for use to find out which games support different controls and which don’t. Should we follow in Southpaw Legacy’s footsteps, and hold game developers and publishers to industry quality standards? I say yes.

I was thinking about purchasing a rewired game controller from Llama due to the fact I find it nearly impossible to play with the default controls. And I sure as hell knew I couldn’t solder the damn thing myself using their hardware guide, even if I tried. Besides this would violate the 360 controller’s warranty, if something were to go wrong (which definitely would in this situation, given my hot-wiring skills). But unfortunately they have been discontinued due to their high demand (gee, I wonder why?). However even if they were available, I probably wouldn’t purchase one anyway, given the high price tag these things had.

Just do the fact that a company like Llama exists should tell the video game industry something (Hint: It has to do with the horrible gamers have to choose from). Maybe if the devs put a little more thought into the economics of the industry, and just how many gamers are left behind in the dust, they wouldn’t have such a bad reputation (from my point of view, that is).

Until companies like BioWare start taking their customers more seriously, I won’t be purchasing any future video game titles from them. It’s too bad too, you could’ve earned another $50 bucks from me purchasing your game, unfortunately you chose to ignore people that have different playing styles.

Thanks for nothing, VileWare.

]]> I was so happy last Christmas that I finally was able to play the next hyped up BioWare game, Mass Effect, after waiting over a year to get it. I was really looking forward to this game and now I can’t play it.

Let me start by saying that I’m right handed, but I play all First Person Shooters (FPS) and adventure games left-handedly. I have been using southpaw control configuration ever since Rare released Goldeneye 007 for the Nintendo 64 (It was actually the game that got me interested in FPS’s).

After reading rave reviews for Mass Effect, and the thought of actually getting to fly a spaceship throughout the galaxy in a non-linear story fashion was a terrific concept. I thought I was going to have loads of fun, then I started my search through the game menus to adjust the settings to my liking, and guess what? That’s right, only four options pertaining to gameplay.

FOUR options? THAT’S IT?!?! What a joke. You’d think in the year 2008 with all the advanced gaming technology, computer programming capabilities, graphic designs, and hard drive space, that the developers could take an hour or two and assign some user-selectable control features; but nooooooo, you can’t even prioritize what is arguably the most important factor during gameplay, you know, controlling your character.

The Bigger Picture

This is what is wrong with the Video Game industry today:

These companies don’t take their customers very seriously. Take for example tech support. You spend days searching through and posting on company forums and FAQs, spend an hour on the phone only to be put on hold for another hour so that the tech rep can tell you he doesn’t have an answer for you, and you’ve just realized you’ve pissed away a week searching for an answer to which would result in pissing away even more time (having fun) playing the game.

Accountability?

I think it’s about time for arrogant game developers to stop discriminating against players while simultaneously getting their heads out of their asses to spend a few minutes programming the features in. Don’t they realize that there’s a whole demographic of other gamers that use alternative control schemes for just about every genre?

I was able to muster through Knights of the Old Republic with the default controls, barely. (Though this is only because it didn’t require quick reflexes and precision to aim and shoot and such.) Not offering personalized customization is a bad move BioWare, a BAD MOVE for everyone.

All I’m asking for here is a downloadable patch or something to accommodate control schemes that offer players the most comfortable experience possible. How can I possibly enjoy a game if it controls like shit?

Don’t you game developers realize there is a potential win-win situation for both of us here? Not only will there be:

• Happy Customers who can play a game as comfortably as possible,
• But you’ll also get more business and increased revenue in game sales

This doesn’t go for just BioWare though, there are other games I’ve played that have been ruined by crappy controls, like Splinter Cell and Bioshock for example. To be fair though, it isn’t just the game developers who are at fault, the publishers more than likely have a hand in this as well. With the constant schedule deadlines, financial expectations, and all the developmental timelines they set, it’s no wonder great games don’t come along very often.

At least Some Understand

How hard would it be to program a few custom control schemes into the game? Not very, I imagine. This is one of the features I LOVE about Quake 4 (and Doom 3), they offer a completely customizable control system. Any button can be used for reloading or shooting, hell I could even Left Trigger to Jump if I wanted to.

I can say the same thing about the Halo franchise (my favorite shooter genre of all time at the moment). While every button may not be programmed for any feature the player wishes, Bungie still included a plethora of options for both thumbstick AND button layouts. Let me tell you, if it didn’t I sure as hell wouldn’t have played Halo’s two sequels, and I doubt the series would have anywhere near the magnitude it currently holds without these specific control features.

Allow me to give a big thanks to ID software for RECOGNIZING that there are southpaw (and legacy) players out there, and it makes sense to offer these choices because over 10% of the population are left-handed by default, not to mention the rest of us who chose to learn to play FPS’s with southpaw layouts.

Microsoft did take a step in the right direction though, by adding the universal game control feature to the Xbox 360 dashboard. However this can be easily overridden by the game’s programming, which means most, if not all, game developers can ignore it if they wish. (Thank God The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion was affected by this feature, or else that game would have been shipped back to the stores too; and guess what, playing the game with southpaw controls made it that much more ENJOYABLE.)

At least Southpaw Legacy (formerly altcntrlgmr.com) gets the situation, and was a great resource of information available for use to find out which games support different controls and which don’t. Should we follow in Southpaw Legacy’s footsteps, and hold game developers and publishers to industry quality standards? I say yes.

I was thinking about purchasing a rewired game controller from Llama due to the fact I find it nearly impossible to play with the default controls. And I sure as hell knew I couldn’t solder the damn thing myself using their hardware guide, even if I tried. Besides this would violate the 360 controller’s warranty, if something were to go wrong (which definitely would in this situation, given my hot-wiring skills). But unfortunately they have been discontinued due to their high demand (gee, I wonder why?). However even if they were available, I probably wouldn’t purchase one anyway, given the high price tag these things had.

Just do the fact that a company like Llama exists should tell the video game industry something (Hint: It has to do with the horrible gamers have to choose from). Maybe if the devs put a little more thought into the economics of the industry, and just how many gamers are left behind in the dust, they wouldn’t have such a bad reputation (from my point of view, that is).

Until companies like BioWare start taking their customers more seriously, I won’t be purchasing any future video game titles from them. It’s too bad too, you could’ve earned another $50 bucks from me purchasing your game, unfortunately you chose to ignore people that have different playing styles.

Thanks for nothing, VileWare.

]]> http://www.lightningshock.com/2008/05/26/what-the-hell-no-southpaw-controls/feed/ http://www.lightningshock.com/2008/05/21/no-more-tests-and-a-new-opportunity/ http://www.lightningshock.com/2008/05/21/no-more-tests-and-a-new-opportunity/#comments Wed, 21 May 2008 19:53:09 +0000 James Lewitzke http://www.lightningshock.com/?p=74 Finally, my junior year of college is over, and I can finally get back on track to writing great blog posts for everyone.

School

My last test for the school year was earlier this wee. Now I only have (roughly) one year of college left. I can’t believe it’s almost over, and if the right classes are available next year, I’ll be able to graduate with my Information Resources Major from UW-Milwaukee.

Internship

I’ve been awarded an internship over the summer for my knowledge of CMS’s (Content Management Systems). I’ll be working on transferring the Afrikaans database from afrikaans.us to it’s new domain openlanguages.net.

It’s not exactly the most exciting internship, dealing with mostly copying and pasting the content and creating new pages for it, but I know what I’m doing and am getting the job done.

After I complete the internship, my professor said he has a job opportunity for me. There is a position available at a research firm, and if everything goes well during this internship, it’s basically mine. Just goes to show you what a great resource blogging can be (not to mention all the opportunities it opens up from people that know about you and your blog).

The Blog

Due to the fact that I have this new internship, I don’t know how often I’ll be able to write as I have been doing. The job is scheduled to end around the beginning of August, so I’ll definitely have a higher frequency of posts coming by then.

On the other hand though, this internship is the only other thing I have going at the moment, so updates won’t be as slow as the past few weeks have been. I’ll aim for writing at least one (on occasion two), new posts a week for everyone to look forward to.

The Plugin

First I want to say that the SRG Clean Archives Plugin is the BEST Archive plugin for wordpress out there. If you don’t have it installed, I’d highly recommend you do.

The Problem

When you download the plugin, everything should be working fine, display-wise. You can still create the page and have a list of all your blog posts in one place.

However, in the administration control panel, you’ll notice that the plugin will NOT allow you to update options. After you check a few off and click “Update Options” It takes you to a completely blank, white screen.

The Solution

The fix for this error is actually pretty simple. Just open up the srg_clean_archives.php file in a text editor, scroll down to approximately line 240 or so. Look for this highlighted portion of the code:

function srg_admin_page() {
if (isset($_POST['srg_submit'])) {

check_admin_referer( ‘$myplugin_nonce’, $myplugin_nonce );

if (isset($_POST['srg_show-comments'])) {
update_option('srg-clean_comment-display', 'true');
} else {
update_option('srg-clean_comment-display', 'false');
}

And add two forward slashes in front of that line, so you’ll end up with this:

function srg_admin_page() {
if (isset($_POST['srg_submit'])) {

// check_admin_referer( ‘$myplugin_nonce’, $myplugin_nonce );

if (isset($_POST['srg_show-comments'])) {
update_option('srg-clean_comment-display', 'true');
} else {
update_option('srg-clean_comment-display', 'false');
}

Now you can change and edit all the plugin options you wish to make.

Lastly, I have to give credit to clowny for finding the error.

No matter how vigorously you attempt to escape
Your feelings betray you.

As the delusions rot away within your soul
You become a prisoner of your own regrets.

Jealousy seethes to the surface
Despite lingering in the shadows of your own mind.

For those who do not receive proper closure
Insanity eats them alive like a virus.

The dreams of happiness between the two of you
Die a slow and painful death.

Conscious knowledge that there will never be love exists
As the trust in others has been eliminated.

All that remains of your being
Is an empty shell devoid of emotion and love.

Trapped in a coffin of doom
As she unknowingly buries you alive.

Those close to you can no longer tell
Once the transformation is completed.

Acknowledging permanent isolation is a necessity
Which results in walking the Earth as a living corpse.

Perhaps the key to freedom
Is through the contemplation of controlling your death

Is there really any difference between Life and Hell?

School

With finals coming up, I haven’t had much spare time to write new posts as frequently or respond to comments on already current posts.

I’ll be done with everything this school year around the middle of may or so, then I’ll be able to refocus my attention on my websites and create interesting posts for everyone.

A New Plugin

Vangogh is helping out with a new WordPress plugin to assist my comment structure, which is an extension of the Brian’s Threaded Comments Wordpress Plugin. The initial modification was a part of his new blog design, where he explains why he made the changes.

So don’t sweat if I haven’t replied to your comments yet, I want everything to look just right once it’s finished, then I’ll be glad to reply.

Let me start off by saying however, I was NOT apart of the “popular crowd”. However, I wasn’t a part of the “geek crowd” either, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t apart of ANY crowd, I was just ME. I never cared to become, or even attempted at reaching a level of popularity at that time in my life, I had the wisdom and the foresight to realize that no matter how popular one may become, it doesn’t mean squat in the real world.

Buuuuuut…………..

The social status is certainly achievable, and with a little manipulation, it is definitely possible to reach this position yourself. This is how I would have done it if I actually *did* care about becoming popular.

While it may be true that trends and fads change over time, and every high school throughout the world is different (I’ll be the first here to admit that I don’t know what the international school levels are, so I’m speaking from the American perspective.), the foundations of the plan undoubtedly remains the same.

First Step: Know the Playing Fields and Understand the Collective Groups of Peers

This is crucial, without knowledge of your peers and your high school settings, you’ll get nowhere. The guide I’m writing here won’t turn you into a popular student overnight, it will take proper planning and a few weeks (or months, depending on your current status) of scoping the and analyzing your potential strategies.

The first investigation involves the various groups available. Recognize your targets and make sure no one suspects your reconnaissance work:

1. The Jocks = Athletic, always discussing last night’s game with their fellow teammates and coaches, are often intimidating
2. The Social Butterflies = Always talking, making friends with just about anyone, and attend every social event the school offers
3. The Intelligent Ones (Non-Nerds) = Eloquent within their academic circle, yet smart enough not to associate themselves with the outcasts of the system
4. Other = Any other group that may be known either specifically to your school region or may have been ‘missing’ from this list

Step Two: Choose A Group and Plan

After an adequate amount of time has passed, the time comes where you have to choose a group and formulate a covert strategy.

TIP: Be sure you Pick a Group You Can Be Good At! You know you don’t belong in the athletic group if you only weigh 85 pounds and can’t even complete the mile run.

Some ideas to keep in mind as you develop your plan include:

• Start off small. You don’t want to rush into crazy events such as mooning everyone at the next pep rally or something similar. You’ll give your position away too early.
• Don’t hold back. This roller coaster ride of a plan will involve making friendships, destroying hearts, betrayal, and even subtle manipulation of events. The inevitability of the lack of emotional distraught means it would be wise to train yourself both physically and psychologically, and not grow too attached to any specific person or peer group.
• Be sure to cover all your bases. Missions rarely go according to the written game plan, so it is of the utmost importance that you have every possible angle covered, the shifting of original steps on the spot, and the calculation of every precise point in your overall strategy as you plan to dominate the battlefield of High School.

Next Step: When you feel Ready and Confident Enough, Craft and Execute your Plan

After careful timing and consideration, the time comes to set your ultimate goal in motion.

Remember, most teenagers are easy to manipulate, not the kids themselves exactly, but ranking highly among the social hierarchy of the school shouldn’t be too difficult of a task. Just about every school has one, and be aware that you are going to have rivals.

Don’t backstab your competitors immediately, it is important to have allies and improvising tactical advances in the Art of War is a necessity. You will get nowhere in this field of combat if you decide to go at it entirely alone.

The Fourth Step: Earn some Thought Out and / or Crazy “Popularity Points”

Popularity Points (PP) can be useful to raise your awareness of your current status during the school year. While these spcific numbers aren’t set in stone, they don’t apply everywhere, as specific groups require different point values. So use these approximate numbers to your advantage, where 0 PP means you’re the biggest loser on campus, and 100 PP means you’re Ruler of the High School:

• 2 PP = Earn an after-school detention, Attend the Pep Rally, Crack a witty joke in front of a crowd (+1 if during a class)
• 5 PP = Get a date and / or enter a relationship ( +5 if they’re at least somewhat popular), Start a fight, Score the winning point(s) at the end of the game in your respective sport
• 10 PP = Receive straight A’s for a whole year, Purchase and show off an automobile, Host a party at your home (-5 if your parents catch you)
• 25 PP = Win a prestigious title such as Homecoming King (or Queen), Win a Sports Championship, Sleep with a teacher
• -5 PP = Act like a pussy and back away from a challenge, break down in the middle of the hall, join the chess team or computer club

If you suck at mathematics, don’t use the above system I laid out, instead follow the guidelines, but go with your gut (or better yet, don’t even attempt to become popular, you can’t get to the top without knowing a little math).

It is also important to NOT repeat each point-earner. Spread out where you decide to earn points. Some people might find it a tad suspicious if you enter twenty relationships throughout the year, they’ll perceive you as a slut.

And the Final Step: Remain at the top until you no longer wish to

(If you haven’t obtained at least 100 PP in one year, go back to step four and try again.)

Now you’ve done it, you’ve climbed to the top the social mountain, congratulations!

Is it everything you’ve expected it to be? Are you truly happy with your current status as Champion of your High School?

Perhaps it becomes boring at the top, you may feel lonely up there, or there’s just too much attention for you to handle; whatever the reason is, bow out with grace. It is very easy to lose your status on top of the ladder, and difficult to regain that special status.

Whether you are happy at the top or not, as one final piece of advice, remember just how much this means to yourself and your friends (and just how much the rest of the world actually cares about it).